Woke up this morning very in my head. Still feeling it now.
Lots of anger present, too.
It’s a weird complex stirring of my emotional body. Best way I can describe it is like the emotional equivalent of an upset stomach or tolerable but uncomfortable indigestion.
Been trying my best to just be with it without push it away or over-identifying with it. Just letting it be, but damn is it persistently uncomfortable
Is this a vulnerability hangover?
I’m not sure, but last night I experienced one of the most intense and emotionally activating sessions of Mens Group that I’ve ever had. So it would make sense if things are still being digested and processed by my system.
According to Dr. Brené Brown, who apparently coined the term, a vulnerability hangover is the gut-wrenching feeling of shame and fear that comes up after we undertake an emotional risk. It refers to the aftermath we experience in the form of an 'emotional cringe' upon deciding to put ourselves out there.
Doesn’t feel like a bullseye for my experience, but its not inaccurate either. I won’t rule it out yet.
I’ll say this though, I'm grateful for the timing of this persistent emotional discomfort. I have therapy later today, which will be super helpful in unpacking, understanding, and soothing what I’m feeling.
Ugh. Trusting the process. Letting it be. This too shall pass. And its bringing in something really good. It wouldn’t be this uncomfortable if there wasn’t something very important and helpful within it. At some point it’ll settle and yield some sort of deeper awareness and growth.
Today I’m meditating on and carrying one of my all-time favorite Alan Watts quotes:
"It has been said that the highest wisdom lies in detachment, or, in the words of Chuang-tzu: "The perfect man employs his mind like a mirror; it grasps nothing; it refuses nothing; it receives, but does not keep." Detachment means to have neither regret for the past nor fear for the future; to let life take course without attempting to interfere with its movement and change, neither trying to prolong the stay of things pleasant nor to hasten the departure of things unpleasant. To do this is to move in time with life, to be in perfect accord with its changing music, and this is called Enlightenment." (from his book: Become What You Are)