I had a coaching client this week thats very focused on dating with lifelong companionship and marriage in mind.
By all accounts, they are doing the “right stuff.” Going on dates, meeting people through apps, connecting with people in person in the spaces around them. In their words, “I’ve definitely got options.” So why do these prospects keep fizzling out after a few dates or even a few months of being involved?
We got into an interesting discussion on mindset, and dove into various juicy topics such as expectation versus invitation, pursuing versus attracting, enjoying ‘what is’ versus being committed to the long-term.
The paradox is very interesting to me. In a spiritual sense, there is both a moving towards it and allowing it come.
How do we do both? How do we find it and allow it to find us?
This is certainly bigger than just the realm of relationships and partnership. This is about anything we desire in our lives. What is the right amount of effort in a context?
It’s such a puzzle to ponder. I love this stuff.
With this client, what we landed on this week was a focus on awareness, and on how to keep deeping it. They didn’t blame the universe or others or some external circumstance. They took full ownership of their results and asked what am I doing wrong, or what can I do differently?
I’m not some sage with all the right answers, and that’s what I told them. As far as I can tell they ARE doing all the right stuff. So I wonder about the difference between doing versus being. Refocusing on being is to refocus on awareness, presence, and mindset. My challenge and invitation to them was in journaling and meditation, two of the most powerful daily practices in cultivating awareness and clarifying our ways of being.
I don’t know if it’s the right thing, But then again I’m not concerned about being right. Coaching is a collaborative process, a co-creative process, and a co-discovering process. Who knows what the “problem” is. When in doubt about where to go or what to do, awareness seems like a pretty good homebase to come back to. I’ve always found it a fruitful focus with myself and my clients, specially when nothing else is clear.
In wrestling with paradoxes, like pursuing versus attracting, I haven’t found a better starting point than awareness.